work

Rachel mostly mumbled this morning. I couldn't honestly understand much of what she said, except at one point she said "it's your work!" We were running a bit late, so I rushed her through dressing. She has taken medicine (for seizures) for almost her entire life, so it's no big deal anymore. I pop the pill(s) in her mouth, hand her a glass of water, and we're done. I'm not sure what the deal was this morning, but she accidentally poured water all down her front. She looked at me like she wasn't sure what had happened and what her reaction was supposed to be, so I laughed and said "oops!" She almost smiled, but not quite. At least she didn't get upset. And fortunately it was before she had gotten dressed, so there was no need for changing clothes. She really doesn't like to "fix" clothes that were put on "wrong." If something gets put on backwards or it doesn't fit anymore, it really makes her mad if a change has to be made. I was also glad (and surprised) that she was willing to take a cue from me how to react. Usually she doesn't even look at me. She had a hard time with breakfast, for some reason. She didn't want to swallow so I had to keep giving her a drink. I checked the glands in her neck and they weren't swollen and she doesn't have any signs of illness. Maybe she was just preoccupied? She went right out to the bus, and she waved goodbye (that always makes my morning).

Yesterday she again covered her entire bed with books. I'm not sure she really even looked at any of them, but she sure got a lot of them out. She used to be able to put them away by herself, but she doesn't seem to be able to anymore. She can't quite figure out how to hold them vertically and put them on the shelf between the other books. They generally end up on the floor when she tries unless I help her a lot. I don't know if the difficulty is in manual dexterity or in mentally understanding the concept.

We went to her school in the evening to meet the people who work with her and see what she does there. They have an awesome program. Right now she is not high functioning enough to do a lot of the things they offer, but that will hopefully change. Her abilities go up and down so much, it's hard to make any real progress. I just want her to be happy. Everyone needs a reason to get up in the morning. Everyone needs to feel that they have something that they can do, that there would be a void somewhere if they didn't get up and fill it. It is easier to feel successful and important if you can look at something, point to it, and say "I did that." Rachel fills a very real role in many lives, but I'm not always sure she can see that. I'm not sure how often she can feel a real sense of accomplishment at a finished task. She used to do a lot more chores at home, but then lost the ability to focus enough to actually do them anymore. I think she's doing a little better now, so I think it's time to give her more to do at home. Giving. Serving. Working. All of those things are a direct way to be happier. I guess it's time for more jobs at home. I'll let you know if it works for her.