sad

This morning Rachel got up out of bed on her own (possibly because we had Christmas music playing) and by the time we went in to get her up she had books spread out on almost every inch of her bed. She's been taking the pens out of the pen holder on her desk and setting one on each open book. At least until she runs out of pens. Wish I knew what that's all about. She wasn't in a good mood at all. She got dressed with a lot of prompting. It took her forever to get something on her feet. She just sat with socks in her hand staring at the wall. I reminded her to put them on her feet and she would act like she was going to put them on, and then just stop. I think it took about half an hour or more. Fortunately we weren't in a hurry. I couldn't hardly get her to come out of her room today. Daddy finally got her to come out and look at the Christmas tree and look at a huge Christmas book that has lots of fun pictures. She mostly just sat and stared. I wish we could convince her to be excited and happy about anything.

Yesterday after school she was unwilling to do much. We had a party to go to in the evening. I hoped she would liven up a bit, but she didn't really. It began with some really beautiful music, and she did like that. She smiled a bit and held my hand, but she seemed a little jittery. Her left leg twitched the entire time. I kept trying to get her to relax her muscles a bit, but she couldn't/wouldn't. After the program we had dinner. She ate fairly well, but didn't want dessert. I hoped she would want to interact with people when they talked to her, but she didn't. It makes me sad that she can't enjoy Christmas time.  It used to be so magical to her and she loved everything about it. I want her to be happy, but right now I would even take anger or sadness. It just feels like she's gone. I miss my girl.