seizures

Rachel had a seizure in church yesterday. There is almost nothing that can make me feel more helpless (useless) than seeing her muscles contort unnaturally while I watch, unable to help in any substantial way. I understand why people try to keep a person having a seizure from swallowing their tongue or something, because at least it seems like you're doing something. I have had people who weren't familiar with seizures actually try to take over Rachel's care during a seizure because they felt like I wasn't doing what needed to be done. I make sure she can't choke on her own saliva and keep her from rubbing on anything in such a way that it causes an abrasion, and that's really all that can be done. Her lips have started to turn a little blue twice, and we took her to the emergency room where they did exactly what we had been doing. Fortunately this seizure was very mild. It really only involved her face and her right hand, and it was only for a few minutes, and then she slept on my shoulder for the rest of the time we were there. I brought her home and she slept for a few hours. After her nap she seemed to be fine. I'm glad it wasn't any worse than that.

A few years ago she was standing outside on our deck and I was a few feet away on the lawn. I heard her make a noise and saw her start to stumble. By the time I could run up the stairs she had fallen on the wood and bent her fingernail back about 1/8 of an inch below where it attaches to the skin. She skinned her arm. She is big enough now that I can't just pick her up, and it could hurt her if I were to restrict her movements too much. All I could do is slide under her and try to keep her body from rubbing against the rough wood of the deck, causing abrasions. It seemed to go on forever, but it was probably only about ten extremely long minutes. Then she slept.

The first grand mal seizure she ever had scared me. She had been having a lot of little seizures every day (so small that if you weren't looking at her and didn't know what to look for, you wouldn't even know she had one), but she had never had a long one before. We took her to the emergency room and they took care of her. I don't get scared anymore, and I no longer even call the doctor, but I do feel helpless. I'm grateful that she only has one or two a year, and they are seldom very bad. I'm grateful that she has good medical care to make sure that she is fine. I'm grateful that she never seems to have lasting effects from the seizures. I'm grateful that, for now at least, it's over.