knitting

This morning was a little difficult for Rachel. I left her in her room to get dressed and when I came back she was just standing there waiting for me to tell her what to do next. Usually when that happens she doesn't really need instruction, just a reminder to keep going. But today she kept trying to zip up her already zipped up pants and when I reminded her she needed to button them, she just touched the button and then kept pulling on the zipper. She finally got it done, and then the rest of the morning went smoothly. I was brushing her teeth and Daddy said "the bus is here!" She smiled (with the toothbrush in her mouth) and said "ah oh!" It was cute. I hope her day continues on the upswing.

This week I'm finishing (finally) a knitted afghan for my oldest son and his wife. It is a cable knit, and it's been really fun to do. It's relaxing for me to work on it when I'm feeling stressed or worried about Rachel. I was thinking that it's just a way for me to sit and still be productive while I'm resting, but today I realized that there is another element to it. It it logical, and it progresses logically. I know how far into the afghan I am and how far I have to go, and I don't suddenly find out that I have to start completely over again. I don't sit down to work on it and find out that the pattern has completely changed. When I make a mistake it's almost immediately obvious and usually really easy to fix. I can pick it up and put it down whenever I want. My mind really likes logic, and my heart really likes the tangible, constant progress of the process. So, I guess, it helps put me back together again when I'm struggling.

I had a friend offer to watch Rachel so we could have a break. Sadly, right now if I want a break all I have to do is walk in the other room. I know that when I go back to check on her she will most likely be in the exact same place and same position I left her in. There is about a 20% possibility that she will have gotten some magazines out and spread them around, but that's about it. I want a break from having a break from her, and I don't know how to make that happen.