Hair and Hugs

"I can't do it." Those were the only words she said this morning until she was mostly dressed. Her hair got tangled up in her shirt and she started repeating "My hair is messed up" until I managed to untangle her. Things would probably be a lot less complicated if I cut her hair. Right now it nearly touches her chair when she's sitting down. I think about it from time to time, but it's just so gorgeous I can't bring myself to do it. I'm pretty sure she likes it long. I know she doesn't like it short. When she had bangs they drove her crazy. I think they tickled her face.

I've found that if I watch her get dressed she will wait for me to tell her what to do next or act helpless to see if I'll do things for her. If I leave and she gets tangled up in her clothes or with her hair, we sometimes end up running late. So I usually stay in her room and make her bed and pick up her toys, etc., while she dresses. That way I can "ignore" her, but still be on hand if she needs me. If I finish before she does, which happens frequently since lately she hasn't been getting toys out and she hardly moves when she sleeps so making her bed consists of flipping the covers up and putting the pillows and stuffed animals on it, I leave but come back frequently to check on her. It works fairly well. She didn't seem to be in a bad mood this morning, but was fairly uncommunicative.

Every third Sunday we have cousins come over for dinner and to talk. She loves her cousins. I couldn't get her to interact or smile most of the afternoon, but she laughed and smiled and ate and generally had a great time while her cousins were here. It was good to see her happy and involved. She didn't talk very much, but she was interested in having people here. Frequently when we have a lot of people here she will go in her room. If she hears people laughing she will laugh too, but she stays in her room most of the time. Yesterday she stayed in the group, even following from the kitchen into the living room. That made me happy. She seemed to really have a good time. She ate dinner just fine, but turned down dessert, which is unusual. I guess she was just full. I probably shouldn't have eaten any either.

She is usually happy to go to bed, but last night she kept saying she didn't want to. She wanted to stay up, although by the time I put her to bed everyone else had gone home and she wasn't really doing anything anymore. Once I got her tucked in and turned her music on she seemed okay about being there, but she objected all through the getting ready for bed process. She so seldom expresses a desire for something specific lately I was tempted to let her stay up for a little while, but Mondays are hard enough as it is without being super tired on top of it, so to bed she went.

Something I've discovered (actually quite a while ago); no matter how frustrated or angry or annoyed we are with each other, she and I, if I take the time to wrap my arms around her and just hold her for a minute, all that disappears. When she screams at me (or bites me) or when I'm insisting that she do something she doesn't want to, just taking a minute to relax like that together seems to set it all right. It works fairly well with the rest of my family, too. I haven't tried it with anyone else (I think people who don't know me might be uncomfortable, possibly), but I seriously wonder if it only works with people you already know and love. Since I'm not likely to hug someone who is annoying me that I don't know, I guess I probably won't find out.