Ouch

Rachel has struggled, off on on, with canker sores in her mouth. She had a few a month or so ago, and I could tell they bothered her because she would complain when I brushed her teeth. I was able to see where they were and try not to hurt her. I kept her mouth clean, put some medicine on them, and they went away. Just recently she pulled away again while I was brushing her teeth, and I found more sores. I have done everything I can think of, and they won't go away. For awhile I thought they had healed because it's really hard to see them in her mouth unless you really look (she doesn't particularly like to cooperate for that) and she had quit complaining if I accidently touched them while brushing her teeth. But they're still there. She seems to have accepted that they hurt, and she doesn't acknowledge the pain anymore. That really bothers me. Pain is there for a reason. It helps us to know something is wrong, so we can fix it. I now wonder how many other things hurt her, and she just accepts it. When we adopted her at 9 months, her former foster mother told me that she was just barely starting to cry again. She had quit crying because it didn't help. I wonder if she has quit complaining about the sores in her mouth because it didn't help. I can't possibly describe how guilty I feel thinking that I can't fix this for her, and she's given up asking for help.

I did a little research, and apparently no one knows exactly what causes canker sores, or how to get rid of them, although there is a ton of information that might work. One of the items that is listed prominently as a possible cause of canker sores is sodium lauryl sulphate. It is the ingredient in toothpaste that makes it foam. I spent an incredible amount of time in the toothpaste aisle of several grocery stores, reading labels, trying to find a toothpaste that didn't have the chemical in it. There aren't any. Apparently only health food stores carry toothpaste that doesn't contain this ingredient, and they were closed by the time I figured that out. It is totally unclear if it will even help the canker sores go away, but I will try anyway, because I know that she hurts and I have to try something. How ironic that in my efforts to keep her mouth extra clean so the sores could heal, I might have been making them worse by putting even more of the chemical that caused them in her mouth. I am also concerned that the sores might be at least part of the reason why she's not eating very well sometimes. It certainly isn't the only reason, but it could be a contributing factor.

I wish I could just fix it for her, and at the very least I wish I could somehow tell her that my inability to fix it is not from a lack of caring or desire. I want her to know that I would do anything to help her be happy and feel good. I want her to know she should keep telling me something hurts until I can find a way to fix it. But I can't. I hate that she hurts, and I hate that we can't communicate well. I'm going to go buy some new toothpaste and spend some more time on the internet, trying to find a solution. Wish me luck.