tantrums and smiles

This morning, before I even had a chance to say anything, Rachel said "No. I'm not going." She kept repeating herself, and kept sitting down on her bed whenever I wasn't looking, so I think maybe she was genuinely sleepy. She didn't stay up too late, but I have no way of knowing if she sleeps at night or not. She ate breakfast without complaint and seemed to be okay on her way out to the bus.

Yesterday when she came home from school she was in a horrible mood. She walked in the door and, with a very accusatory look, yelled "Is too, you bit me!" She continued to argue (with herself, since I refused to participate) that I, or someone, had bitten her, while she used the restroom, and then instead of coming back into the kitchen or living room she went in her room and slammed her door. I don't remember the last time she even shut her door, so it made quite a statement. I could hear her in there still yelling, then talking, then mumbling. Little angry comments. After about 45 minutes she quieted down and I opened her door. She was sitting on her bed with a magazine on her lap. She didn't respond when I spoke to her, but she looked pleasant enough. About a half hour later she was willing to show me her pictures. I have no idea what set her off, but I'm glad it passed. When she was younger and more prone to temper tantrums I would occasionally put her in her room to help her cool off. It wasn't a punishment, and it wasn't that I didn't want her near me when she was out of control, but if there were people around to "perform" for she would keep up the behavior longer. Also, it you're already in a bad mood almost anything anyone does is annoying, so she would continue to find things to be mad about. If she was alone, she would calm down much faster and was much less inclined to break things or try to hurt herself or someone else. I think it's interesting that she went in her room and shut her door when she was out of control. I'm hoping that maybe (?) she is learning how to take responsibility for her emotions a little bit? I truly hope so. Not that she's had that many emotions to take control of lately. I don't like seeing her out of control, but in many respects it beats the "nothing" that has been there recently.

Her brothers had another basketball game last night. It actually ended up being two one-hour games with one hour to rest in between. She laughed through the whole thing, which would probably have been  more appropriate if they had won. They played well, however, and I don't think either of them have any permanent damage to their bodies (which is a constant worry for me. Whatever they do, they do it intensely, without apparent concern for what could happen to them.) It was a good evening, and when I tucked Rachel in bed she looked very relaxed. I asked her if she was happy and she smiled, just a tiny little smile, and nodded her head. That's all I needed.