A few years ago when Rachel was going through a particularly bad time, I would occasionally make her mad on purpose because it was the only time she would talk at all. I would just keep insisting she do something she didn't want to do (like look at a picture or color or snuggle with me) until she got fed up with it (usually a couple of minutes) and would tell me "no." After that initial episode of speaking, she would respond to one or two questions or comments before subsiding back into her quiet world. I don't have to work at it quite so hard now, but some days she is really hesitant to talk, or interact in any way. She likes to sit in her bedroom and stare out the window, and most of the things she says are unhappy. I've been wondering, though. I know when I am unhappy and want to be alone, that's good for a little while, but then I have to get out and do something to cheer myself up. Sometimes if I "act" like I'm happy, then I become happy. I read an article once that said the physical act of smiling can actually release chemicals that make you happy. I can't remember where I read it or even who wrote it so that might be totally untrue, but I do know that sometimes "going through the motions" can get you where you want to be.
My one real goal for my amazing daughter is that she be happy. I'm wondering if I can somehow facilitate that better than I have been. When she was little I was so busy trying to take care of her and respect her feelings that I didn't push it when she didn't want to be held. Her brother had no such qualms, and he taught her to hug. I wonder if I pushed her a little harder to interact in a happy way if she would become happier. I'm trying to figure out exactly what that means, or how to go about doing that. I can't really tell her to smile and pretend she's happy and see if that works, because even on the off chance she understood me, she probably wouldn't do it. She will almost always smile for a camera, though. I have a few ideas floating around in my head, now. I'll have to see if any of them work.....
Oh, and her knee is fine. When I bathed her the night it was bothering her, I could see the beginning of a small bruise to the side of her kneecap. She must have bumped it on something just before she came home, and the bruise just took awhile to show up. It's a small bruise and it doesn't seem to hurt anymore, it just needed some time to heal. My life would be so much easier if she could tell me these things so I don't have to worry if something really big is wrong, but that's not going to happen, so I guess I'll just deal with it.
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